Goodbye HELLO! Your interview with Arnold’s baby mama/housekeeper has as much ring of truth as Hugh Hefner’s fiance suddenly calling of their wedding because she just discovered she doesn’t like the Playboy lifestyle.
 Shame on the network news reporters I watched this morning who naively played the story from  HELLO!  as if it was a journal of record.

The headline on the magazine’s website reads:

HELLO! exclusive: Mildred Baena, the housekeeper who had a child with Arnold Schwarzenegger speaks out for the first time

HELLO! then says that Baena has come out of weeks of hiding to “set the record straight” because of all the fictitious stories circulating in the media. This, they add, will be her first and only interview exclusively to HELLO! magazine.

My first question is: how much was she paid and why would she choose a British publication over an American one if she needed to separate fact from fiction.

Perhaps those fictitious stories  included the widely published one that she had to pull her son out of school and deprive him of his middle school graduation to protect him from  potential media exploitation. (Imagine those animals lying in wait to grab a photo of the illegitimate Schwarzenegger child and zap it around the world for all to see!)  It turns out the likely reason the boy missed that special rite of passage was because his mother wanted to exploit him herself, selling that exclusive  mother-son photo to HELLO! — presumably the highest bidder.

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Photo: © David Schumacher

You need to buy the magazine on the newsstand to see the full article, which I’m not inclined to do.  But the website preview calls the recent events a “distressing drama,”  then assures us that Schwarzenegger and Baena’s son, Joseph,  has a maturity way beyond his years.  I sure hope so.  I think, regardless of any fees paid,  subjecting that boy to such a photo session is an act of cruelty.

Back to the web preview, we learn it was his grandmother who sat him down one year ago to explain that Arnold Schwarzenegger was his father.  His mother shares his reaction was,  “Cool!”  So, will we get to learn why she didn’t break this most sensitive news herself?

Here’s the rest of the “record”  set straight by Mildred Baena:

She says she realized  there was a paternity issue when her son began to resemble Schwarzenegger.  (Hmmm, looking at this photo, I’d hardly call him a dead ringer for The Terminator. Personally, I think he looks just like his mom.)

“It was as Joseph grew and I started to see the resemblance that I wondered – but It became more apparent as time went on,” she said.

“I knew Arnold was the father, and maybe as Joseph got older and began to look like him, he [Arnold] wondered. But he never said anything to me.”

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In the HELLO! preview, Mrs. Baena says Maria Shriver  had started to put two and two together when she heard whispers in the household about the pair’s similarity.

Really Mrs. Baena? Maria hears whispers in the household?

“She would say things like, “I’m here if you need to talk.” I sensed something was up. I have so much love and respect for Maria.”

Well, Mrs. Baena, you certainly have a funny way of showing love and respect.

“Finally, she asked point blank.”

HELLO! doesn’t report  Mrs. Baena’s answer .

“She was so strong. She cried with me and told me to get off my knees. We held each other and I told her it wasn’t Arnie’s fault, that it takes two.”

How noble of Mrs. Baena to fall on the sword and accept half the responsibility as she accepts what, I’ll go out on a limb her and say must be a substantial check from HELLO!

But where’s the remorse, the apology, a credible explanation of why she’s still hanging on to a flicker of a spotlight, seemingly auditioning for a reality show, “Real Housekeepers of Brentwood.”

Finally, Mrs. Baena expressed her sympathy for Arnold and what he must be going through: “He’s a good man and I know he’s suffering too. He loves Maria. I hope with time they work things out.”

Really?  Then  I hope she can do a real service for Maria, her children and Mrs. Baena’s own child and take this advice:  stay out of the public eye and find another way to earn a living besides selling photos and stories about your former employers and the love child  produced by your collision with Maria Shriver’s kindness and generosity and her husband’s ego and unfortunate ways.

And while everyone else tries to heal from the gaping wounds you helped create, please note the rest of us are not disgusted with you because you had a fling with a movie star that produced a child.  We’re read that corny script before.

You need to address how you had the unmitigated gall  to stay in this trusting family’s home employment for years, as if this was your own private joke.

Too bad this was just a preview and there is more to come.

Shelley Ross is also the author of Fall From Grace: the History of Sex, Scandal and Corruption in American Politics from 1702 to the Present available on Amazon.com
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